Saturday was Valentine’s Day, and out of the 365 days in a year, it seems to be the only day, many women openly allow themselves to feel guilty, sad, or angry at the fact that they are single. From the time that stores start putting heart-shaped boxes and cards on the shelves until February 15th, comments about hatred, depression, and stupidity are made regarding this one day. I’ve often questioned and never really understood why so many women allow themselves to get so emotionally worked up in a negative way, because they’re alone. See, I believe there are worse fates than being alone. I also believe you can be alone and not lonely. For me, Valentine’s Day always reiterates three basic facts:
1. Your life and circumstances are what you make them.
2. Never forget you [women] were created to be soft and pink and at the heart of it all, that is who you truly are.
3. The grass always appears to be greener on the other side, but they may have more weeds than you, so be thankful for the lawn you’ve been given.
I truly think, if more women had a different perspective, on being single, Valentine’s Day wouldn’t be this 24 hour black hole that many, make it out to be. See our lives and circumstances are truly what we make them. If you can’t find joy in being single, then make the decision to find a mate, and work at it non-stop until you do. If you tell yourself, “oh, I’m OK with being single, it’s just that one day in particular, that I wish I had someone.” Either a) you don’t truly know yourself, your wants and desires, or b) you’re not being honest about what you really want. If you are truly happy, content, or OK with being single, then that one day, 24 hours, that comes at the same time, every year, shouldn’t always affect you, in such a negative way. So why does it, why is that one day so important? Is it because other people are receiving flowers, chocolate and various tokens of affection? You don’t know what’s going on in their relationships the other 364 days of the year. What you have to remember is, what you see isn’t always what is true, and most things in life are based on choices, how we respond, is a choice. So, working yourself up every year about a holiday for lovers, couples, or folks that are booed up, because you’re not, is a choice. Choose a more positive outlook, take yourself out, get together with some great friends, find a way to make that day special for you, because it truly is what you make it.
I had an interesting conversation with a lady Saturday, and she stated that she was independent, and the only thing she really needed a man for was to procreate, and now a day, she didn’t really need one for that. She then went on to say that most men can’t handle the fact that many independent women don’t really need them, but that if they [the women] are with them it’s truly because they want them [the men] around for something other than provisions. She came across as very hard, and matter of fact, and it reminded me of my second point: Never forget that you were created to be soft and pink and at the heart of it all, that is who you really are. We are women, we are emotional beings because that is how we are built, and no matter how independent we think we may be, that fact doesn’t change. No matter how much weight you lift, what your job title is, how tough you appear, how much money you make, or how big a “boss” you believe you are, under all that vibrato, there is still something feminine about you, and that’s the soft and pink. It’s a quality that should be valued and cherished, not hidden and forgotten about, because it’s the soft and pink that needs to occasionally be seen, if you don’t want to remain single. That soft and pink, our softer side, is what turns the heads of men, but also helps us see the value of a good man.
In continuing my conversation with this woman, she actually revealed that she would like to find someone special and possibly have a family, but she had issues of trust. In that moment, she was showing her soft and pink side, it isn’t that she doesn’t want/need a man, she had been hurt in her past, and hasn’t let it go so that she can heal and start trusting again. It’s the holding on to the wrongs of the past that are making her hard and keeping her stagnant. We can’t grow if we can’t forgive and let go. It all comes back to being a choice. Forgiveness isn’t about, letting the other person off the hook, it’s about freeing yourself from that hook, that will keep you tied up and unable to move forward. Holding on is easy, forgiving is hard, but what’s best for us, usually is.
I created this blog, because I wanted it to be an avenue encouraging women to become more active in sports, weight training, or dance. One of the things I have come to realize is, a healthy strong body is irrelevant if you’re mentally scarred, with baggage, and hurting from the past, because no matter how much work you put into the outer shell, that inner being, will never allow you to be satisfied, happy, or loving to yourself, nor anyone else, until you allow it to heal. In healing the inner you, you become more open to possibilities, to people, and to life. The focus on what you do have will become more important, than what you don’t, so being single on Valentine’s Day becomes unimportant, because you realize, the most profound relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. You realize that the grass is always greener on the other side, but they may have more weeds than you, so you should be happy with where you are in your life, because you are there for a reason, and maybe that reason is to heal your hurt, so that you can be stronger both physically and mentally.